An end to a long day.

I've found it quite hard to wake up these past few days. I feel like i am slugging around this planet with no purpose. What is my purpose? I go to work at McDonald's ( a place I don't want to be at for the rest of my life.) I honestly do not know what to do with myself anymore. Should i just cry and get it over with? I'm hurt and I'm upset. I feel like what i work for, just gets thrown out the window. My own mother can't even take my phone calls. Whenever i call her she says "I'll call you back" she never calls me back. Not once has she ever. I am always the one calling her back. What is new right... she's been doing it my whole life. Besides the point, today i feel like crap. Me and Josh had a nice lunch, and we sat outside with the pooches. But i just can't get what happened out of my head. Every time i think about what happened, i just get more and more upset! I have too much on my mind apparently.

I go see my adoring mother next week. However, i really don't know why i am going. She never wants to talk to me. She's always tired or her latest excuse was "I'm cold". O.k mom.. whatever. But anyway, I am going to go see her on Wednesday. Am i looking forward to it?!? No, not really. But i know i have to go see her.. regardless of how she treats me. I get to leave my husband and my babies just to see her and her stupid husband whom i hate with a burning passion. Moving on...

I can't seem to get over what happened with this little girl that i mentioned of yesterday. Just the thought of me not being able to see her, makes me sad and lonely. But then when i REALLY think about it, she must want this because why would she tell her mother things that were untrue... ?!?!?! I don't know what exactly happened, but i do now that i am not going to hate a twelve year old. However, I hope they find her headgear at their house.

This week has gone by to slow. It's been my worst week all year and i've had some pretty bad ones. However, after all the shitty stuff that has happened this week, i realize how much i love my husband and how much i really need him. He is the one that keeps me going every day. He's the one that keeps me SANE. I look at him every day and think about how lucky i am to have such a great husband. I love him with all my heart, and i couldn't ask for a better husband. He's my only friend that i have left now. All my other friends ditched me... That's another story for another day. I don't feel like getting depressed all over again. ;)

Lets hope the next couple of days are better then the last few.

-Brooke Alyse Pautler